When Things Don't Go as Expected, Just Get Rid of Whatever Caused the Problem

So I went home late from work Wednesday night to find this...

 

That morning, the puppy had thrown up on the bed...luckily it was AFTER we had woke up.

 

I put the sheets in the wash thinking nothing of it. And we came home to a chewed up mattress pad and my headphones...

 

When I walked in I was shocked. I told my daughter, "Oh my gosh. The puppy made a mess. You have to come see it."

 

So in came my 4 year old. She surveyed the scene and said, in a quite stern voice, "Mom, let's get rid of that puppy. Let's give it away." Thoughts of her dad, whom she hasn't lived with since 10 months of age, flashed before me.   It's all to easy for people to say, "this isn't working for me so I will get rid of it."

 

Genes are strong. Her dad, when posed with any animal problem, immediately went for the, "you need to get rid of X" card. Oh, and let's not forget he'd be mad, very mad. Kicking, fit throwing, or hitting things were common activities for making him mad. Yet getting mad did nothing to solve the problem, nor did it help it. It made no sense, to me, to waste the energy on something that is out of one's control.

 

I looked at my daughter and said,

"you know, when you were a baby, you did lots of things I didn't like and I didn't get rid of you."

 

She said, "was it an accident?"

 

 "No," I said. "Mostly on purpose, but you were a baby and babies do things."

 

"Did you put me in a time out then?" she questioned.

 

"Not if you didn't know you did something wrong." I replied.

 

 "So," I continued, "putting puppy in time out won't do us any good. He has no recall of what he did at this late time. But I can tell you what he was thinking."

 

"What?" she said.

 

"That we are coming home WAY too late. And we need to come home sooner as he is lonely."

 

 "Oh," she said as I watched her thought process unfold before me.

 

She followed with, "we will come home earlier puppy, I promise."

 

It amazed me how quickly she was to respond negatively when I am not that type of person.

 It made me realize genetics are strong, but hopefully, malleable.

 

"Are you mad?" She pondered.

 

"Nope. What good would that do me? I am sad that he did it, but there is nothing to do but get it cleaned up and move on."

 

Lesson Learned.

The Deed is Done

There are those times in life when we must face the unthinkable. We hesitate, on a precipice, wondering how we can make it over this insurmountable obstacle. And then it's done.

My divorce has been over a year in the making. Not something to be proud of, I thought I was marrying for all the right reasons 19 years ago, I simple had not and it was irrevocable broken.

Sadly, the other half could not see beyond himself to make things easier for me and our daughter. He thought only monetarily, and about inanimate objects, and refused to make anything simple.

And so it was...my precipice came as a two day trial in court over who should get what and why. It didn't matter that he had committed a felony, there is no remorse there. It didn't matter that I was kind enough to save his personal items, belongings he needed to work once he re-enters society. All that mattered was he was not in control and he so desperately wanted to continue his reign.

And in the blink of an eye, 19 years are lost...

Bye Bye, Summer; Hello, New Chapter

I was walking the yard, in my tank top and shorts, relishing all the great things of summer: warm air, the full moon rising, a beautiful breeze, and a juicy, pesticide free apple from the tree. According to the weather app, today is the last great day of weather for us...it's all down hill from here and I stood there, taking it all in--the sounds, the sights, the smells and wishing it would never leave.

And yet I love Fall and all the things about it--pumpkins, leaves falling, sweatshirts, and Friday night football games. And it occurred to me that the seasonal changes are not that different than our own life changes. We love to be in bliss. We love to have happiness envelop us. And yet nothing lasts forever.

My change in life was due to be official this week...much like fall, it is inevitable. It was just put off a week....something akin to an Indian Summer that reminds us of what we are about to lose, that we hold onto a wee bit longer. However, an Indian Summer is something welcomed and this is not.

Lately, I have come to realize a few things. Love effects your head and your heart, and at 19, there is not much difference. We dream of love. We crave it. We long for the tinsel town Hollywood ending and yet, most of us, do very little to make sure it's the kind that will last.

Before everything happened, I loved to watch the series Bones. Science + eye candy = a great show!  In one episode Dr. Brennan spoke to the fact that love doesn't actually exist, it is just a feeling caused by our body in order to propagate the species. You realize it is true; that people do fall in, "love" in order to keep populating the world, and yet some people, a few unique people, seem to find the kind that is lustful and lasts. They made, accidentally or on purpose, the right choice of the right person to share their life with.

I realized these last few weeks of summer that there are people out there in the world with similar interests, similar beliefs, similar loves in life. And if someone took the time to look past just the lust, just your body trying to procreate, and saw that after the lust, there would be a lot left to enjoy with said person, or nothing left to enjoy,  we'd all be a little better off.

So with that in mind. Here are a few things that hindsight has brought me that may save you from time wasted, and love that really never truly existed.

Avid reader, historian, environmentalist + Gun lover, racer, doesn't care if oil is dumped on the ground =  RED flag
People don't have to be identical, but if your partner does not enjoy any of the same things you do life will just be a constant disagreement.

Religious + Anti Religious= RED flag
If you have beliefs, and your partner belittles them, know that your partner will never change.

Family oriented + Family avoider = RED flag
You shouldn't have to force someone to attend family holidays. They should do it because they love you, even if your family is crazy as hell.

Kind beyond reason + Things mysteriously happen, badly, that are never said persons fault = RED flag
It is research proven that the most kind, naïve folks fall for those, for the most part, that take advantage of them. You shouldn't have to wonder if your partner is lying to you, unfaithful, or a down and out crook. Leave when you first wonder.

Person constantly wondering what they can do to make things work + Person who sees nothing wrong= RED flag
Disagreements are common from time to time, but if you are constantly trying to make things work and your partner thinks nothing is wrong, walk away, because they never will.

We all want that feeling of LOVE. To be wanted and want the same person in return is something sweet and wonderful, and nothing short of a miracle. However, always weigh what your head wants, along with your body, when choosing. You'll be much happier.