Love is hard.
You start off young and naïve about love. The Fairytale, the True Love, the Happily Ever After are part of our childhood and tell us Love that Never Fails is possible.
But the majority of us waste our time, or on a positive note, get the opportunity to learn what not to do from our first attempts at relationships in high school or college. Like believing when someone says you are the love of their life, and then dumps you for another the next week.
Be that as it may, given the numbers of people on dating websites, the majority of us don't find THE one and we only learn more lessons from our first marriage. It seems the majority of us meet the wrong guy and give him the wrong finger (That pretty much sums up my life). And we end up in the divorce column.
For many reasons this is a good thing: never let someone control you, or physically/mentally abuse you. Love, true love, should never hurt, make you doubt yourself, or make you feel worthless. If you feel this way, it's not love and you should leave. I've been there.
Lying here now, after a Hallmark series marathon, thinking of the comfort love can bring makes me melancholy. Being held at night, having someone hold your hand, smiling when you picture their face. Those are good things that everyone should get to experience, but love is fleeting and few of us get to experience it long term in a healthy relationship. Those that do are truly lucky.
Love is hard. Meeting people is hard. Finding someone that has the same values and core beliefs is hard. Investing in trying is hard. Trying hard and realizing it's not mutual is hard. Falling for someone you can never have is hard. Trying to find love is hard.
PS- if you are posting on any dating websites, please don't take selfies in bed, especially with a SpongeBob pillow. That is all.
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationships. Show all posts
Friday, August 10, 2018
Saturday, March 7, 2015
It's been awhile...
Journaling, or blogging, has been so therapeutic and helpful, however, finding the time to fit it in is daunting. We each have so many things pulling us in so many vast directions that getting to everything becomes an impossibility. Most nights I have fallen, exhausted, into bed and have no desire to open my laptop. However, tonight, although incredibly exhausted I have the bloggers best friend on hand: insomnia. (Yea, me!)
My personal emotional rollercoaster is getting close to being at a minimum. I never expect that it will ever be gone completely. It will be that looming grey cloud waiting to drizzle, or pour, at the first unsuspecting moment. However, the paperwork became final on the 2nd of February and I am officially DIVORCED.
I would be lying if I said I never thought about divorce prior. It fluttered in, now and again, during those times I was crying myself to sleep or laying in shock at how my husband, who took a vow to love, honor, and cherish, could be so hurtful and inconsiderate of my own feelings.
Yet even though I thought about it I always fell back on the old adage, "The grass may be greener, but it's just as hard to mow." Believing if I invested my full time and effort into my relationship things WOULD improve and it would be worth it. However, one gets to the point of maximum allowance, when one can no longer be the only one working on making things healthy. .
Its hard for me to say I was emotionally abused, and yet I was. I have gone to therapy and become stronger for it. It was a Godsend to have someone to bounce ideas off of, to realize I wasn't crazy, that what happened was real and was NOT how a marriage should work.
As I enter the pool of new relationships I find myself guarded and protective. I've been through the wringer more than once, I don't intend to do it again. It wont be easy, at least that's what my therapist says. No relationship is perfect: conflict is inevitable. However, I have learned the warning signs, and can now listen to the red flags. Will I find a relationship that enhances me, rather than stresses me? Will I find a friend to enjoy life with rather than endure life because of?
Only time will tell...
My personal emotional rollercoaster is getting close to being at a minimum. I never expect that it will ever be gone completely. It will be that looming grey cloud waiting to drizzle, or pour, at the first unsuspecting moment. However, the paperwork became final on the 2nd of February and I am officially DIVORCED.
I would be lying if I said I never thought about divorce prior. It fluttered in, now and again, during those times I was crying myself to sleep or laying in shock at how my husband, who took a vow to love, honor, and cherish, could be so hurtful and inconsiderate of my own feelings.
Yet even though I thought about it I always fell back on the old adage, "The grass may be greener, but it's just as hard to mow." Believing if I invested my full time and effort into my relationship things WOULD improve and it would be worth it. However, one gets to the point of maximum allowance, when one can no longer be the only one working on making things healthy. .
Its hard for me to say I was emotionally abused, and yet I was. I have gone to therapy and become stronger for it. It was a Godsend to have someone to bounce ideas off of, to realize I wasn't crazy, that what happened was real and was NOT how a marriage should work.
As I enter the pool of new relationships I find myself guarded and protective. I've been through the wringer more than once, I don't intend to do it again. It wont be easy, at least that's what my therapist says. No relationship is perfect: conflict is inevitable. However, I have learned the warning signs, and can now listen to the red flags. Will I find a relationship that enhances me, rather than stresses me? Will I find a friend to enjoy life with rather than endure life because of?
Only time will tell...
Saturday, August 16, 2014
What's In a Name?
Last week someone called me baby...it was endearing, sweet, and much welcomed. Another day when the same person called me by my first name I found myself unhappy. I was perplexed. Why would it bother me that they used my first name? It is my name.
And then it hit me, like someone's overwhelming body odor. I was having a flashback.
My husband always called me baby. It was mostly cute and endearing. Although it typically was followed by a proposition of something wanted. Not just to show kindness or devotion. When he used my first name I knew he was unhappy with me and whatever was to come would not be pleasant. As time passed (we were together nearly 20 years) I began to loathe my name because of the conditioning. Name= unwanted discussion, behavior, fight, etc.
It is amazing what our subconscious understands, associates, and acts upon without much thought. Baby signaled a happy person. My name signaled bad news. I knew it and I was on guard to see what verbiage was used.
Things come back in glimpses now. I appreciate it when they do. It reaffirms the unhealthy nature of the relationship I was in.
And then it hit me, like someone's overwhelming body odor. I was having a flashback.
My husband always called me baby. It was mostly cute and endearing. Although it typically was followed by a proposition of something wanted. Not just to show kindness or devotion. When he used my first name I knew he was unhappy with me and whatever was to come would not be pleasant. As time passed (we were together nearly 20 years) I began to loathe my name because of the conditioning. Name= unwanted discussion, behavior, fight, etc.
It is amazing what our subconscious understands, associates, and acts upon without much thought. Baby signaled a happy person. My name signaled bad news. I knew it and I was on guard to see what verbiage was used.
Things come back in glimpses now. I appreciate it when they do. It reaffirms the unhealthy nature of the relationship I was in.
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