Lately, I haven't been on FB much. So much to do elsewhere...so little time to do it....life rushes past us at breakneck speeds.
And then I had a moment...a moment when the little one fell asleep before I did and I lost myself in the cyber world. I started out purposeful...I think...I mean... probably not.
And then up came my daughter's picture with Santa in 2012...she was 2. 2. Her impish grin and baby face brought a tear to my eye. Where did it go? All that time I thought I had? I tried to enjoy it, make it last, prolong it like all the famous quotes said, and yet I couldn't...it is long gone and the photos are the only way back to a very hard, yet also very happy time. Because she is the single best thing that has ever happened to me...ever...and it's not sappy, attention getting behavior that drives me to say that but the fact that wasting 18 years of my life is only made palatable by her presence.
You see...sometimes the grass is greener, and it isn't as hard to mow, on the other side of the fence. I watered and tended my grass all day and night, and yet only weeds would grow, regardless of the time and energy devoted to it. Of course, there was always the occasional, wonderfully beautiful wildflower, that somehow managed to creep in despite the killer weeds. But as time passed those wildflowers came less and less...strangled by the ground in which they attempted to sprout. And so I stared at the other side, where life appeared easier, more fun, better, and wished for it.
Yet, I couldn't believe anyone could have a lawn that green, that lush, that picturesque. Must be fake, I'd say. Unable to give up...I stayed. Surely, a little more water, a little more devotion, a little more time spent trying to figure out how to make things better would transform my patch of weeds. But 18 years later I realized I was worth more than the time I put into the land. I was worth more than the tears I shed attempting to make it work out. I was worth walking away.
And now, in my healthy mindset I realize I wasted so much precious time, time I can't get back.
So let me pass on some advice: Life is short, don't waste it. Live by the Golden Rule, but do what makes you happy. Spend time outside. Find joy in the mundane. Search for the silver lining, because it's there. Spend time with those you love. Guard your time as if today is your last day, because some day it will be. And realize without consideration, there is no love...and move on.
